If you can’t reach your orgasm

Ejaculating, cumming, peaking,  finishing… just plain; having an orgasm.
Everybody talks about it, but did you know that it is not that naturally? That 9 out of 10 women does experience problems with coming every now and than? Or that also 5 out of 10 men have their probs occasionally? 

We all heard about men who come too early,  but what if it you have difficulties reaching an orgasm or just can’t seem te come? Keep on reading to see what you can do about this.

An orgasm is a very natural thing, but it does not always come naturally.  A great part of women can’t reach an orgasm from penetration and also not all men will reach an orgasm from having intercourse. 
About 80% of the women does sometimes experience problems with having an orgasm. A big 25% of them thinks this is a problem and about 10% finds it a really big problem. If we look at the men, about 45% does experience problems with coming. The biggest problem, good for 64% ejaculates too early. About 30% has these problems on a regular basis.

Possible causes

Ladies: Let’s start at the base.  Make sure you are familiar with your own body, that you know what works on you ant what won’t and don’t be afraid to try. You can try alone, or try with your partner. With your hands or with toys. For a lot of women the combination of vaginal and clitoral stimulation does the trick, so get your Tarzan and use your fingers to play with your clitoris.

Gentlemen: Usualy, as a young man getting an orgasm won’t be much of a problem, in most cases young men come too early. You can work on this with the start-stop technique. In case you do have difficulties in coming, try using more or less lube, change your grip and so on.

The most annoying thing about not being able to come is that usually there is no physical cause.
Medicine intake or hormonal changes (think; menopause/right after childbirth) can influence your libido, or even your muscles, weak muscles can make it even more hard to come.
Pain during sex and certain diseases could be a possible explanation, but usually it is your mindset.

Most problems with having an orgasm are caused by emotional aspects. Prolonged stress or tension can keep you from getting in the mood, or just distract you too much to focus on the sex, which will stand in your way of reaching an orgasm.
Besides that, a need to achieve or perfectionism can also influence you, same as the need to be in control or insecurity.
Some people feel too much shame to let go. They are ashamed of the sounds they make, the movements their body makes and so on.. Many of the people who have problems like these, have bad experiences with sex or are raised with the idea that sex is bad, and one should not talk about sex.
And sometimes.. the person you are having sex with is just not the person you really want to have sex with..

All these factors can stand in the way of you and your big O.



And here comes the hardest part.. Depending on the cause is your problem easy to very difficult to resolve. I will give you some tips in which your partner also important is, but if you really keep struggeling, I strongly suggest you to visit your family doctor or psychologist/sexologist. There you could start with ruling out a physical cause.

Preparation / basis: 
Together or alone? See if you can have an orgasm by yourself, or that you experience problems coming both alone and with your partner. with your partner having difficulty with. If it only does work if your are alone/doing yourself, it is often insecurity/shame or wrong instructions.

Maintain a healthy body and good conditions. Stress, poor sleep, not being fit, (medical) drugs, alcohol, even cigarettes can affect your orgasms. Think about how smoking reduces your blood flow, or how alcohol or drugs acts s a narcotic.
Parents/inmates who can just walk in? Keep your door locked, or put something against it if necessary. Stress at work? Leave your work at work please.

Let’s get started
The undefeated nr 1. Masturbation!
Masturbation not only makes you get to know your own body, it also stimulates the blood-flow and sensitivity of the genitals. This is also an extra positive point while having sex with a partner.

2. Again, relax!
Fatigue, tension, anger. All these are emotions that can stand in the way of an orgasm. Discard any quarrels and try not to talk about annoying issues before you have sex. Relaxation exercises can also have a positive effect.

3. Train your muscles.
Training your pelvic floor muscles, stimulates the blood circulation around the genitals and kegel-exercises also help you reaching an orgasm more easy.

4. Provide the right incentives.
A good vibrator or the right lubricant can make feelings way more intense. The average woman needs a continuous clitoral stimulation to climax, specially since the majority does NOT come from penetration.
Is she able to come from penetration? Experience with different positions and different angles to find out what works best for you two.

5. Communicate.
Does she need to just squeeze you a bit more? Or suck a bit harder? Does he need to move just a millimeter to the left? SAY IT! Or moan it..
Talking about sex and what you like can not only help you both, but can even make things a bit more steamy, but if you think it is difficult talking about it, talk about a code or use your hands/body to get your partner in the right position.
Use hmmmmm when your partner is in the right spot and hm-hm when it’s not good, or move your hips a bit and agree with your partner that when you move, he/she doesn’t move the with you.

6. Focus on your feelings.
Of course you are having sex with your partner, but take the time to focus on your own orgasm as well. Rotate and don’t push a simultaneous orgasm, that only happens in the movies, like monster cocks and women with a throat deeper than your average ocean.

7. Enjoy.
Enjou the sex, and your partner. Take your time, make sure you invest enough in the foreplay, make your head clear, put your insecurities aside and only focus on the sex. A positive self image is very important.
Oh, and fantasizing isn’t that bad, so don’t feel guilty if your mind wanders a bit, but keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear that their partner was just thinking about Brad Pitt/Doutzen Kroes,

Good sex does not always have to end with an orgasm, so don’t make a must out of it, this will only worsen the case. Enjoy the love making, and just keep practicing, alone ánd with your partner. The more you practise, the sooner it will work, and when it starts working… 😉


Have you ever had a similar problem? And how did you fix it?
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